Week 8: Young mom, older mom.....

I've often asked myself the same question over and over....would my kids have been better off if i waited to have them when I was older and wiser and richer?  I don't know.  I was young and dumb and thought everything would work out but if I would have waited things would definately have been different.

There are pros and cons to practically every situation you can think of.  Focusing on the positive seems to be the conclusive winner in my particular situation.  You can feel guilty all day about the fact that you didn't have a five course meal on the table every night for dinner  and your house wasn't showcased in the next Home and Garden magazine or you couldn't pay for your kids college when they turned eighteen. On the other-hand, when your children know how to cook food from scratch because they figured it out, they know how to do their own laundry and are capable of performing basic activities of daily living and maybe had to work a part-time job to finish their associates degree at the community college they may just have gained some life knowledge.

Sometimes we do good, other times we mess up.  It's all a part of life and learning and what you make of it.  If you have the knowledge to make good decisions then that's great.  If you have to learn the hard way sometimes that is a blessing in disguise. There is always a choice.

Emotional abuse

Emotional Abuse

This week I wanted to talk about emotional abuse by a partner.  In my opinion this is often an overlooked and misunderstood subject.  I don't remember hearing about emotional abuse in the media or at school as a child but I surely witnessed it along the lines in many different ways.  Emotional abuse can affect anyone be it man or woman although women seem to be more subjected to all forms of abuse than men.  Emotional or psychological abuse can be present in all walks of life and any socioeconomic status.
Emotional abuse doesn't leave bruises or physical signs that can be observed by the naked eye.  Often times emotional abuse is excused or dismissed because either the victim doesn't understand what is happening, the perpetrator is brain-washing her, or those around her cannot see the mental impact with their own eyes.

Being aware of the signs of psychological abuse is the first step toward stopping it.  The following questions were taken from the website www.helpguide.org to assist people with determining whether or not they have a problem that should be dealt with.

The more answers of "yes" to theses questions the higher the likelihood is that there is psychological abuse occurring-

• Do you feel afraid of your partner?
• Do you avoid talking about certain topics with your partner to keep the peace?
• Do you feel like you just can't do anything right?
• Do you believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
• Do you often times wonder if you're crazy?

• Does your partner yell, degrade or humiliate you?
• Does your partner put you down?
• Does your partner treat you so badly that you're embarrassed your friends or family may see?
• Does your partner lie to you or withhold information?
• Does your partner ignore you or demean your opinions or accomplishments?
• Does your partner blame you for their bad behavior?
• Does your partner see you as a form of property or as a sex object?

Some other things to look for are low self-esteem (especially when it used to be high), personality changes, depression, anxiety and suicidal ideations.

If you are or know of someone who is being emotionally abused there are many resources available to go to for help both local and on-line.  It's important to pay attention to the signs, ask about it and listen to the person talking about it to provide support.  Another important thing to remember is that if there are children involved they can be greatly affected as well and often times become abusers or victims themselves.

Week 6: Early Development of puberty

This week article "Teens Before Their Time"  got me thinking about a lot and I found myself comparing my decent into puberty with that of my daughters and nieces.  I must say I really didn't need to read the article to notice there are definite  differences between the two.

I remember when I was in fifth grade there was a girl who started her period and the whole class new about it.  We were in awe, at least the girls were.  The whole idea of beginning puberty at ten or eleven years old was absolutely mystifying to me.

As I have gotten older I have noticed this has become more and more common and seems to be more the norm.  Some of the theories described in the article contributing to the earlier development in girls are;

Obesity-  According to the textbook one in seven children are considered obese when determined by Body Mass Index.  In the article "Teens Before Their Time"  it states that obesity is linked with an increased production of insulin which increases stimulation of sex hormones from the ovaries and adrenal gland.

Pesticides-  Chemical pollution and broken-down pesticides such as DDE and PCBS have been shown to mimic hormones that play a role in the development of the human reproductive system.  These chemicals can build up in our bodies and be passed on through breast-milk.

Hormones-  Some theorize that hormones found in milk, meat and eggs and other chemicals such as Pcss and nnE may have significant long-term effects on development.

Media-  Some believe that sexualized messages may be jump-starting our brains and sexual development.  Some doctors and researchers believe that being exposed to sexual media may have a physiological effect on the early development of puberty.


I would like to see more extensive studies done on the reasons our children are reaching puberty at an earlier age.  As the article "Teens Before Their Time"  states, there aren't many studies done on girls of different ethnic groups. In my opinion,  there need to be more studies done which include all of the above possible contributing factors as well as including a range of different ethnic groups in order to see a bigger picture.

 My mom says girls develop sooner now because they have better nutrition and more food.  Coming from a used to be scrawny victim of war who ate lard and who's sister was sent to another country for a period of time to live with a family who could feed her, I can see her point of view.  On the other hand, I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that there's a lot more to it than that.

As it stands, I think we need to continue to educate ourselves about what we are putting into our and our children's bodies.  Reading labels, buying organic, making good food choices, etc. are  all all things we can do to promote good health right now.  Awareness of what our children are exposed to and offering alternate choices can help children with obesity and maybe curb some of the early puberty issues we are facing today.

Week 5: Socialization or Intro to Nature Deprivation?

This week there were so many topics to think about I was a little overwhelmed.  I decided to narrow my blog topic down to the new diagnoses ( at least new to me) of Nature Deficit Disorder.  I find it very hard to comprehend since we are blessed we live in such a beautiful place, despite the rain.  I find it very disturbing that most of the world's children are living in conditions where they sleep on a mat on a dirt floor and don't get enough to eat while many American children who are over weight ( one in six) sit on the couch playing video games and watching television.  I sound like a broken record but it's the truth.  Are there really some children who spend so much time inside that they don't know what it is like to climb a tree or smell the flowers.....REALLY?

Sorry, it just really irritates me sometimes.

I was scanning a book called Last Child In The Woods; Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv and trying to understand the fact that children in countries where technology rules have a diminishing capacity to understand nature and it's becoming more and more prevalent.

Studies have shown that nature can be therapeutic.  Nature can help bring back the calmness and help us re-group.  It can help children with ADHD settle down and focus on simple things.  A little extra exercise and oxygen usually helps clear the head too.

Now I am by no modern standards considered a hippie ( not that there's anything wrong with being a hippie ).  I wear make-up, attempt to be but am not always environmentally friendly.  I recycle and try to buy local.  I totally agree we need to save the environment and so would most children these days.  The thing I'm wondering now is do they really know what it feels like in the natural environment?  In the Northwest I would say more so than in some other areas but I don't know the stats on that one.   I do think nature is very important, it's here for a reason.  We have lived for centuries in nature and most of us survived it.

My point is we must need to teach our kids to go outside more.  We need to take kids for walks, learn about the trees and plants and animals hands on.  Do most kids know the difference between a squirrel and a chipmunk?

A lot of times it's the little things in life that people cherish forever and if you need a lift you can always go back to nature, it's free.